Catholicism, Mormanism, Scientology

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I was raised a Catholic, twelve years in Catholic schools and am therefore fairly comfortable around Catholic doctrine and beliefs, although I don’t have any sense of faith whatsoever today.  Certain other religions seemed much more, well, ridiculous to me.  Mormonism and the whole copper plates and the archangel Moroni and the voice of God telling Joseph Smith to bed a bunch of 14 year olds girls.  Christian Science and the whole history of Mary Baker Eddy.  Scientology and the nuclear bombs and engrams and especially L. Ron Hubbard.  But at least part of me felt that the reason I was comfortable with Catholic teachings was familiarity.  But I now know that isn’t true. Because the current Pope has just hatched a new doctrine (or actually rehatched an old one) that is just as ridiculous as anything out there in God-land.  I don’t think I will ever be able to take Catholic doctrines seriously again.  You see, the Pope has bought back indulgences.  You remember those, Martin Luther got his shorts in a twist over the Church’s practice of claiming they could get you out of purgatory if you gave money to, what, the Church of course.  That’s an indulgence. And then in the 1600’s they banned the practice of pay-for-play, although they didn’t really because one of the ways to get these indulgences was to, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, engage in charitable acts.  And have we got the Charity for you!  Finally, with Vatican II, the whole thing was done away with, and not a moment too soon, because by 1960 people in western countries were educated and for the most part could spot a crock of sh*t when they saw it.  But ol’ Benedict, he is bringing it back. He can get you a get-out-of-jail free card.  You can’t do this yourself of course. It comes from the Pope. And one of the preconditions is that you have to say a prayer for the Pope.  Like every cheesy governor who erects billboards with their picture saying welcome to New York, Bendedict want’s to make sure you know where this DELUXE benfit is comeing from.

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